Blog — "daily life"

As you probably know by now, I taught seventh and eighth graders in Baltimore City for six years before I moved on to running my business full time. Every now and then I remember some good times that were had in those six years and some of the rewarding aspects of teaching, and I think I could almost miss it... just a teeny tiny bit.

Truthfully, I loved being a teacher. I was passionate about what I taught in the classroom, I loved my kids, and I had an amazing group of teachers and admin that I worked with daily. I'm just one of those types of people that is constantly looking for a new challenge, and when the burn out and boredom began, it was time for me to move on to something else. On the other hand, there are plenty of things that I don't miss about teaching, so I thought I'd share a few of those with you.

1 // Not being able to use the restroom whenever I damn well please. Do you know how awful it is going three hours without being able to leave the room and go to take a pee? Add in a school-wide staff fitness challenge where drinking a shit ton of water is involved, and it's pure torture. I'm pretty sure I was that awkward teacher that yelled many times, "Ok, you guys need to hurry up and get in line and get quiet so that we can dismiss because I NEED TO PEE!" Hey, it worked, and you've gotta do what you've gotta do in desperate times.

2 // Speaking of bodily functions, I don't miss stories that some of my boys would tell me. A few of them spent more time around me over the course of three years by default since I also coached basketball. As a result, they became a little too comfortable with the oversharing. I am scarred for life by a story involving a Burger King wrapper being used as toilet paper in a pinch. You guys, you can't unhear these horrifying things.

3 // The evils of online grading systems that magically delete all of your final grades. I'm pretty sure our district wide grading software had it in for me. I'd stay late in my classroom entering final grades when they were due at the end of the quarter. The next morning, I'd log into the grading system and they'd all magically be gone and all the curse words would come out of my mouth.

4 // Two words. Body odor. Never have you ever smelled something as foul as 35 pubescent teenagers crammed into a classroom. And they wondered why I always cranked the A/C. Why would I turn up the heat if it only resulted in more sweat and stench?

5 // 5 minute lunches. Yes, this was a real thing. Actually, technically, my lunch period was 25 minutes long, but by the time I took my students to the cafeteria, used the restroom, checked my email, and prepped for my afternoon classes, I usually had 5 minutes left. I hate cramming food down my throat like a manic barbarian, so most days I didn't eat lunch and opted for 5 minutes of peace and quiet instead.

6 // Grading homework that no one really cared about. And by nobody, I mean the students AND the teacher. Who makes these rules about having to give homework every. Single. Night? Basically, homework makes everyone miserable.

7 // Feeling like you've been hit by a truck every night. If I had a dollar for every time I stated, "My body hurts," after climbing into bed at the end of the day during my teaching days, I'd be plenty rich. I'm not really sure I ever knew that so many body parts could hurt all at once until I became a teacher.

8 // Being given vacation and sick days that you can't use. Every school year we'd get a small number of vacation and sick days. However, if you used more than a couple, you could get reprimanded by the district. It was basically like dangling a piece of candy in front of a kid and then telling them they couldn't eat it. It was sort of like, Oh hey, here are your days off that you can use, but you can't *actually* use them unless you've died. Oh, you're coughing up a lung with bronchitis? Have fun with that! What the fresh fuck is that all about?

9 // Spending my life savings on school supplies. I was somewhat lucky. Our principal helped us out as much as he could so we weren't as bad off as some schools, but when budget cuts came around, we were given our paper ream rations, and then we were on our own. It was like The Great Depression had hit and teachers were hoarding paper and accusing others of stealing their stash. And the insult to injury? The measly $250 teachers are able to claim for supplies on their taxes. I had hit that $250 mark on my first day of back to school shopping, so whoever made that rule up is clearly an alien. No normal person could make up such a dumb rule.

10 // Being accosted by kids in the morning before my coffee had kicked in. There were the kids that knew not to do it, and then there were the kids that just never seemed to pick up on the fact that lasers were beaming out of my eyes and tearing their brains to shreds because they'd approached me before that magical caffeinated hour.

While I'm sure I could list many other reasons why I don't miss teaching, these were just a few of the things that scratched the surface. Many of these things are indicative of larger issues within our public school systems throughout the country, but that's for another day and a more serious post.

Anyone else a former teacher? What don't you miss about a previous job?

Being trapped in my house for a few days due to a blizzard gives me plenty of time to contemplate all of those random things in life. And so, I present to you, perhaps a new series-- Things I Don't Get.

1 // I don't get why some people's only mode of communicating is yelling. I think we all know the type. The people that can't talk to their spouse, but yell at them instead. The people that could say something nicely to their kids, but do it by yelling instead. I just don't get it. Aside from coming off like an ass, wouldn't you feel perpetually angry from all that yelling?

2 // I don't get why anyone would need three closets for their clothes. I saw a blog post about needing three closets, and it freaked me out. First of all, who can even afford that many clothes?! I sure can't! Second of all, even if I could afford that many clothes, why the heck would I want that many clothes? I already have a hard time deciding what to wear in the morning. Why would I want to make it even harder for myself? I think I'll stick to my tiny row house, midget sized closet with my basic wardrobe.

3 // I don't get why people open Etsy shops before they know how to make what they want to sell. Aren't Etsy shops usually the progression from-- Oh wow, I'm getting really good at this. Maybe I should start selling it. Not the other way around, like-- I want to have an Etsy shop so I need to learn how to make something. Am I the only one that doesn't understand the thought process?

4 // I don't get people who don't use plates. My husband is a huge offender, and he knows I'm putting this out there because I told him this morning. He likes to put his toast on the counter and eat from the counter instead of a plate. I've known other people to do the same, and I just don't get it. Plates mean that you're not leaving crumbs all over the house. Or, if you have a mishap while eating things don't fall on the table, counter, or your lap. Instead, they fall on your plate. Seems like common sense to me.

5 // I don't get why people like winter. During this blizzard event, I've had several people try to convince me that winter is actually awesome. I don't understand what is so awesome about it. It's cold. And then if it snows as well, you end up with cold, wet snow in your shoes after being outdoors. And you get those clumps of cold, wet snow stuck inside your gloves after they inexplicably got there despite you being really careful about not getting snow up your gloves and sleeves. And then, because of said cold, wet snow, it's even more cold. No thanks.

Is anyone else with me on these things? What are some things that you don't get? I feel like asking that question is setting me up for responses like, "I don't get people who don't get why people like winter." Happy Tuesday, dear friends!

As one of many that struggle with the burden of student loan debt, that situation is exasperated by the pay cut that I took in order to take my card business full time. However, I have always been a fairly cautious spender, so we have always made it work even while paying extra each month toward those loans. I did not have much money growing up, and my family always made things work on a budget. We didn't take fancy trips to Florida during spring breaks. We didn't often get name brand shoes or clothing. And we didn't spend large amounts of money eating out. Generally, for my entire life, I've stuck to the basics.

During the transition from teaching to running my business full time, Andrew and I made some major lifestyle changes in order to make things work. We stopped eating out and watching football at the bar. We cut cable completely without the addition of any subscription services. We only purchased new clothes if we actually needed them. We traveled less out of pure lack of money to do so or opted for destinations within driving distance instead. And we did as many free activities that we could. Generally, these lifestyle changes were not too drastic since we already didn't watch much tv and a lot of the activities we enjoy, such as hiking and being outdoors, were already free. Perhaps our biggest money saver was simply not eating out and the lack of travel.

In the past three years, while making these small budget cuts, we became acutely aware of how others around us were leading much different lives. One friend mentioned that they hadn't been to the grocery store in almost a month because they hadn't had time to go. Another friend purchased a new car, not because they needed to, but because they wanted to. We were asked to fly out of town last minute for a long weekend to celebrate a friend's birthday, as if it was normal for the average person to have money on hand for random airfare. Friends that asked me about how to cut their budget also were posting monthly on social media about their mani pedis.

These realizations made me wonder-- When did luxury become the new basic? Things that I had always just assumed were extras were now being viewed by those around us as daily needs. Just by not eating out once a week, we have saved nearly $300 a month. I can't even imagine eating out almost every night simply because there wasn't time time to shop for groceries. Not purchasing a new car means that we pay nothing for car payments and very little for maintenance as our cars are still in good shape. Planning for vacations rather than spur of the moment trips has helped us save money on airfare and budget in a way that we can even afford to travel. And not having a monthly mani pedi has easily saved me at least $40 a month-- almost the equivalent to our internet bill.

These are things we simply don't do because it isn't in our budget. And they are mostly things that we never even thought to do when we had a bigger budget because they are luxuries. Yet these things don't seemed to be viewed as luxuries by those around us. Somewhere along the line, we've grown accustomed as a society to luxury. Luxury homes, luxury cars, monthly salon upkeep and new clothes for a luxury look, luxury meals, luxury everything.

Luxury has become basic. It is normal to buy coffee every morning instead of making your own. It is normal to buy an expensive SUV instead of going for the budget friendly compact. It is normal to have granite counter tops in your kitchen instead of opting for a house that you can eventually make your own. It is normal to buy a new iPhone even if your five year old iPhone still works beautifully. It is normal to pay for Netflix or Hulu instead of using an antenna or reading books from a library. It is normal to pay for a mani pedi instead of using that same $5 bottle of nail polish on your own time and again. It is normal for us to consume, consume, and consume.

If I'm being honest, the closest thing I've ever had to a manicure was a paraffin treatment on my left hand after a nearly broken finger suffered during high school basketball. Gasp! I know! How could I have never experienced anything like that?! Easy, I say. I have never viewed it as a need. And while some might say that it's the downtime or pampering that is a need, I've found that downtime in other ways without having to pay someone for the luxury of it all.

It can be just as fulfilling to spend an evening cooking with friends at your house than eating out a restaurant with them. It can be just as fulfilling to travel somewhere by car than by airplane. It can be just as fulfilling to finish a house project on your own rather than purchase a house that was already finished. And it can be just as fulfilling to soak in that quiet of the morning while your coffee maker runs instead of making a hustle and bustle into the coffee shop on your way to work. And in many ways, it may actually be more fulfilling than the luxury version.

This is not to say that we don't partake in luxuries. We enjoy going to the coffee shop once in a while on the weekends. We still go out to eat maybe once every couple of months. And yes, our house came with granite counter tops, though we certainly have also done quite a bit of work on our own to make it more beautiful. For me, it's more about thinking about how these luxuries bring value to our daily lives. Did these things really make your life more fulfilling? Or did they only create the illusion of fulfillment? Those are the questions that it really comes down to, and for us, the answers are easy.

How do you feel about luxuries? Do some of the things I view as luxuries seem basic to you? I'm curious to hear a varying perspective.

Two weeks ago, when I shared my goals for this year, I mentioned self-sabotage. Sabotage may seem like a harsh term, but when small things that I have the ability to control change the course of each day, the word sabotage seems appropriate.

For me, it was the little things. I'd check my email first thing in the morning, leading me into a rabbit hole of unproductive habits. I'd hit the snooze button eight times before finally getting up, leaving me feeling groggy and losing a couple hours of my day. I'd put off tasks that were tedious until the last minute, leaving me feeling stressed and even more annoyed about having to complete them.

I had already identified that I was doing these things, but I needed to make a conscious effort if I wanted to toss these bad habits to the curb. So far, almost two weeks into the new year, I've stayed on track with my efforts. I decided that in order to create new habits, I needed a better routine. I'd mentioned before that I had a list of strategies that I was going to try to put into place. Here's a look at a few of these strategies I have used in order to try and create new habits that lead to better productivity.

1 // I make a schedule and to do list for my day the night before. Every evening after dinner, I've sat down with my planner to schedule in both daily to dos and important tasks for the next day. This gives me a chance to reflect on my day and identify what went as planned and what could have been better. It also allows me to clear my head of pressing tasks so I'm not thinking about them while trying to sleep. In the morning, it gives me a running start since I don't need to spend that time in the morning trying to organize my thoughts and my day.

2 // I moved my alarm to my dresser across the room instead of on the nightstand beside the bed. This may seem like a small thing, but it's perhaps the best change I've made so far in my attempt to change bad habits. When my alarm goes off, I have to get up to turn it off. I set one alarm for 7am, 6 minutes earlier than I used to get up when I was still teaching. Usually, Andrew is out of the house at this time, taking Lilah for her morning walk. This means, I have two options-- stay in bed and listen to the horrid sound of the alarm, or get out of bed to turn it off. No one else is going to do it for me. And it has worked. Once I'm out of bed, I'm cold, so I head to the shower to warm up.

3 // I take a shower before breakfast. As mentioned in the last point, because I must get out of bed to turn off the alarm, it leads me to take a shower before I do anything else. This is a game changer. Before, I had the goal to be showered and dressed before 9. Sometimes that happened and sometimes it didn't depending on how comfortable my yoga pants were and how much coffee and reading I wanted to enjoy in the morning. Because I take a shower before anything else, I feel as though I've gained an entire extra hour in my day.

4 // I schedule time to read and respond to email and close Gmail at all other times. Big game changer. If Gmail isn't open, I don't know if new emails arrived in my inbox. If I know I'm setting aside time to respond to emails, I don't feel as though I must check my email first thing in the day. One day, I went until 3 in the afternoon until I remembered that I probably should check in to see if a customer needed a response. I'm hoping to stick with this.

5 // I schedule and take breaks. This has definitely amped up my productivity. In the morning, I take a 30-45 minute break at 10am, to do yoga. It gives me something to look forward to while I spend the previous two hours working. Additionally, I've noticed some major benefits of this practice in only a few weeks (I'll save that for another post). I schedule another break at noon for lunch and reading time, and yet another break around 3 to run to the post office and grab a snack. Each time my break is over, I feel refreshed and ready to go, and my productivity before the scheduled break time peaks as I work to get my task done in the allotted amount of time.

I've stuck with my plan and I've accomplished a lot in the seven work days that I've implemented these strategies. I've been checking things off of my to do list and goals sheets left and right, which becomes a bit addictive and rewarding at the same time. I've often read that it takes 21 days to form a habit, one that you do without having to consciously think about. If that holds true, I'm a third of the way there in creating new habits. Maybe I'll check back in with you on day 14.

Have you formed any new habits lately? What strategies have you used to try to form new habits? Am I late on this alarm clock thing? Because seriously, that was the biggest game changer for me.

I've been doing some heavy thinking these days, as was probably apparent in my last post. Something happened last week on my birthday. Then, my dad made some interesting commentary the other night on Facebook about, well, Facebook. His words resonated with me and mirrored thoughts I've had for quite some time about our daily interactions with people.

You see, on my birthday, I received dozens of well wishes from people all over the world. Some were from long time family friends. Others from old classmates I haven't seen or spoken to in years. A few from old friends in Australia who keep in touch as best as we can. And a couple more from family. Each of those birthday wishes came in the form of a Facebook post, which can be as well-intentioned or as little thought out as the one posting the wishes can make it.

However, in my opinion, these wishes are more often than not very insincere or not very heartfelt. We're reminded by an automatically generated notification prompting us to quickly tap out a "Happy birthday!" on our phone in mere seconds before we move on with our day without thinking about or celebrating that person until next year. Many of us are guilty of this. I know I am, though I have more recently consciously decided not to because it feel meaningless and hollow.

After receiving my abundance of Facebook birthday wishes, I checked the mailbox for the daily mail, excited to know that my sister had sent me a small gift and hopeful that I'd find a yearly round up of birthday cards. Instead, what I found was the gift from my sister, and two bills. Thinking that we're all busy people, I decided not to feel too down and out about what (or lack there of) showed up in my mail box on my special day. I know that I have been guilty of sending a card late, so I thought certainly I'd find something in my box the next day. That didn't happen.

Disappointment set in for the next few days as it was clear that for the first time in my 32 years I would not be receiving even one birthday card in the mail. Soon, that disappointment turned into frustration as I thought about the irony of a greeting card maker never being on the receiving end despite having made and shipped cards to thousands of people over the last five years. It turned to bitterness as I thought about how we've become so accustomed to instant gratification and have defaulted to the quickest and easiest way of doing something as our lives become more hectic and busy.

I am not off the hook. I've forgotten to send cards, have defaulted to the lazy, insincere way of communicating with others, and have certainly wished many a happy birthday via Facebook. I am part of the problem some days, but I have been more conscious of that in the last week than I have been in a long while. These modes and methods that we've turned toward to make our lives easier have also made them void of something incredibly essential-- basic human connection. We no longer think of people as they are, but rather as a photo on a screen somewhere in our own cities or even on the other side of the world.

Sending a birthday card is personal. It's not done because it is seen as something we must complete in order to fulfill our obligatory social media duties. It is done because we care about the human connection. And as my 32nd birthday came and went, I realized that we've been presented with false notions-- that our lives are more complete and full due to new modes of communication. Instead, the truth is that we are more empty and alone than we were to begin with.

I'm not sure what the solution is to what seems an insurmountable problem, but I do know that I want people to send more cards. Make a human connection, not a false one through a computer screen. Be meaningful in your intentions rather than going through the motions. And take time to truly think about and celebrate the people around you that mean the most.